To restore ourselves we must surrender everything that is not ourself. – Boyd Varty

When my husband goes on a 4-month pilgrimage trek to India, I decide to declutter. Again. This time I know I will need an elevated level of guidance. I hire a decluttering coach*. Everything feels precious. This collection of objects and ephemera constitutes a life …my  life.  It represents the sum of my relationships and experiences in physical form. There is beauty in this history but also, as my coach tells me, baggage of unprocessed wounds and traumas, reminders of ‘what ifs’, and hoped for do-overs. Regret, it turns out, breeds clutter! The journals, photos, letters, books, are all shoals on the shore of the past, there are peak experiences but also jagged heart breaks. 

You’re not you anymore you haven’t been you in a long time. – ‘Fleishman is in Trouble’

My parents never tackled the accumulation of their lives. For my brother, sisters and I, it was daunting dismantling the family home. I don’t want to die leaving a lot of flotsam and jetsam for anyone else to deal with. I look at what my life is made of in its accumulated material form. I want to stop confusing belonging with belongings. 

Disorientation is an essential part of the visionary journey. – Arthur Sze

This is a process of transformation. There is no perfect way to declutter. Not only no perfect process, but no perfect outcome. The task of sorting will extend beyond closets and drawers. What’s on my resume only to impress someone else but I’m not that proud of? Even my address book needs decluttering. Some people are no longer a part of my life.

What it really comes down to is the clearness of heart to stop defining who I am by those who have hurt me. – Mark Nepo

What I am guaranteed in this process for certain is SPACE! Space not only in my home, but in my heart, in my mind, and for my spirit. Space brings clarity. Clarity brings precision. Decluttering is an opportunity to more precisely express who I am in this ever evolving now. 

We start by stopping. – unknown

Breathe. Set your intention. Begin where it’s easiest, perhaps with a drawer, not a whole house. Dump out the drawer. Chewed down pencils empty pens cords adapters stray buttons washers and change packets of soy sauce plastic cutlery plumbers electricians and florists’ magnetic business cards a missing scrabble letter a rogue pawn vintage hotel sewing kits and matchbooks!

If you cannot bear to part with that tiny candlestick from the long-gone board game Clue, don’t! If the old letters are too hard to tackle, wait! Clothes might seem obvious, but that might not be true for you. Let yourself be led organically from one area to the next.

Gather like things says my coach. Scissors have somehow gravitated to me from both sides of the family. Pinking shears a grandmother used to clip recipes from the newspaper. Worn red handled shears from my mother’s kitchen. Novelties from foreign travels. Paper scissors, cloth scissors, embroidery snips, garden, metal, and glass blowing shears. Which ones still do the job they were designed for? Is it okay to keep some simply as decorative objects? A photograph will often serve just as well as the object itself, as a reminder of a time, a place, or someone special who passed it on to you.

Books shelves and record collections? Of course you may keep every last album, CD, book or comic. It’s your call. Do you still own a turntable? Just checking.

Keep. Maybe. Release. What to keep is hopefully getting clearer. To do a declutter well, it’s necessary to allow for maybes. Maybes are not crystal-clear keeps. If you aren’t certain then it’s a maybe. There’s some level of vagueness. Sometimes the reasons are murky. Spend some time with each maybe. What does it remind you of? Let the memories flow. Are these memories you want to hold on to? Why are you reluctant to let them go? Do they tell you something about yourself that is surprising? Any answer is valid. Follow the story. 

Remember, don’t relive. – Pixie Lighthorse

Curiosity helps when anxiety arises. As lovely as something is, does it “spark joy” or is it a reminder of a sad time or even a traumatic one. Respect your visceral/somatic response. For further clarification, my coach suggests asking, does it love me back?

There is an ebb and flow to decluttering. There’s a rush that comes with an empty drawer. It can be fun picturing where to go next. Know when to take a break! You will find a rhythm within the process. Integrating any ‘revelations’ you have may take time. Honor that. You are curating your life.

If you live alone, decluttering is obviously more straightforward than if you live with a partner, parent, or children still have rooms in your home. Best practice: declutter yourself! Even if they don’t choose to participate, they may pick up on your energy just by observing. Or not. Either way your personal space will start to bring you more peace.

Large declutters, moving, downsizing, or emptying someone else’s home, may need to happen fairly fast. It’s still worth it to do as much of a sort as you can in the moment. Don’t think you’ll do it later and just move boxes to the garage or, Gd forbid, to storage! Or say you are having a dinner party and need to locate the dining room table. Take an extra moment, do a mini declutter. 

Everything we keep needs a designated space. A place of respect my coach says. If I don’t have a place for something maybe it’s not something to keep. 

RELEASE. Obviously, there will be trash and recyclables. Discard as responsibly as you can. Toss the toss-ables! Some of your maybes will end up here. Things that simply don’t have your name on them anymore. Gift, sell, donate all are options. 

Some items in the release pile are quite valuable. Things to be gifted are usually obvious. After that we might not want to donate everything. Yard sales aside, some level of sales and computer skills is usually required for Etsy, eBay, Poshmark, etc. You can spend time learning how to sell online. And even make some money. But outside of consignment shops, you still have to store things until they sell. They remain in your space, taking up space. If you go this route, designate a location in your home away from what you are keeping. Remember too, you decided to declutter. Your sanity and your clarity are at stake here. My coach offers something that truly frees me. Don’t try to recoup your losses.

There are myriad possibilities to Donate. Support a local thrift store. Arrange for a pickup from Am Vets or the Salvation Army. Women’s shelters usually take clean bed linens and stuffed animals. Look for the drop boxes. Public libraries raise funds through donated books, or you can drop them in the little free libraries.

Many towns have tool libraries and salvage stores, like Habitat. If you have been stockpiling for the apocalypse, the food banks always need non-perishables, especially now. Most donation sites will give you a tax receipt. Once you decide what goes where, act on it. Handle things as few times as possible. Load the car. Deliver the goods.

Allow that out there right now someone is searching for the very thing you have. Release it back to the Universe. You’ll be surprised how many so-called coincidences will begin to occur. This is a very personal process. It has its own magic and reward. Trust your intuition. 

SQUIRREL! There will be challenges and distractions. If you are prone to perfectionism, this process will probably work you up a bit. Watch for exhaustion. No shade on Marie Kondo* but this is not a weekend purge. You can ‘cowabunga’ parts of it, but overall, the long-term shift in thinking and living, that is the true benefit of the process, takes time. This is emotional, mental, and spiritual work, not just physical. It is a refinement of your aesthetic, of your being. Inevitably, that 25-year-old handbag you just finally donated, is once again in fashion, not 3 weeks later. It happens.

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes around in another form. – Rūmī

January 2025 the terrible fires break out in LA. People are forced out of their homes leaving with their lives, their pets, and whatever else they can manage to grab at the last minute. May we never know from this. But I have a realization that brackets the entire process of decluttering. 

A Go Bag. What would you put in your Go Bag? Hopefully only for the sake of this exercise, I start one. It is currently full of other bags. Maybe I add the original photo of my mother with her grandparents and not worry with the gazillion photo albums. I’ll surely need duct tape a hammer screwdrivers a blanket a towel water purification tablets a flashlight toiletries a pair of the Joyce Chen kitchen scissors a sewing kit a notebook paints a few brushes a pencil pens a solar powered radio. Medicine! You can see where this is going. This is the extreme. Imagine taking only what you can carry. It will likely make the choices in your rooms and closets a lot easier. 

How I know it’s working? I know where things are. I find things I thought were lost. I don’t miss or remember most of what I gave away. I return rocks to the land, shells to the sea. I have more space in my heart and in my world. I want to create again. 

You are making room for yourself. Opening space to the mystery of who you will become. 

May all beings benefit.

*

*My coach is the brilliant Liz Wiltzen https://www.lizwiltzen.com. Her podcasts part 1 & part 2  recorded with her coach Peggy Fitzsimmons are highly recommended.

Links that let you know more about the organizations you are donating:
https://www.charitynavigator.org and https://www.guidestar.org/

Making a Go Bag: https://www.ready.gov/kit and another https://nymag.com/strategist/article/best-emergency-kit-items.html